The Elephant in the Room - When Growth Changes You

Have you ever had the experience that living abroad changed you so much that connecting with people back home suddenly felt harder? You find yourself in heated discussions. You question their opinions. They question yours. And at some point you wonder: Is it them? Is it me? What exactly has happened here? Let me tell you a story.

There is an old parable about six blind men and an elephant. The men had heard about this mysterious creature and got into a heated debate about what an elephant must be like. Since none of them could see, they were each allowed to touch the animal but only one part.

The first man touched the side and said, “It’s like a wall. Solid and powerful.”

The second felt the trunk. “It’s like a snake.”

The third held the tusk. “It’s sharp like a spear.”

The fourth grabbed a leg. “It’s like a tree.”

The fifth touched the ear. “It’s like a fan.”

The sixth held the tail. “It’s just a rope.”

They kept arguing - wall, snake, spear, tree, fan, rope - each convinced he understood the whole elephant.

So who was right?

All of them.

And none of them.

Each man described something true. But none of them had the full picture.

What does this have to do with your expat life?

Most of us grow up touching only one part of the elephant. We are shaped by one country, one culture, one set of norms and assumptions. Our experiences are real. Our worldview makes sense based on what we have touched so far.

Then you move abroad.

Suddenly you are touching another part of the elephant. And it feels completely different.

What once seemed obvious now feels relative. What once felt “normal” now feels cultural. You start seeing your home country from the outside and your host country from the inside.

That shift changes something. Over time, your worldview expands.

You develop intercultural awareness. You question old assumptions. You notice your own former prejudices. You don’t just hear stories about another culture - you live them.

And whether you realize it or not, that experience reshapes you. You now carry more than one perspective. You have touched more of the elephant. And this is where it becomes complicated.

Your family and friends back home may still be standing where you once stood. Some are curious. They ask questions. They love your stories. Others hold tightly to their version of the truth. Not because they are wrong. But because it’s the only part they have touched.

And when perspectives clash, it can hurt. Because it’s no longer just about opinions. It’s about identity. You changed. And sometimes that change creates distance.

But here is the humbling part:

Even as expats, we have still only touched a few parts of the elephant. Two. Maybe three. We are not seeing the whole picture either. Growth does not make us superior. It simply gives us a wider lens. And maybe the real lesson is this: What if we trusted that each person is describing something real - even if it’s incomplete?

Imagine what could happen if instead of arguing about who is right, we started putting the pieces together.

If you struggle with conversations back home… If you feel misunderstood… If you feel like you don’t fully belong anymore…

You are not crazy. You expanded. And expansion requires integration. Sometimes that integration needs space, reflection, or support. Because the real elephant in the room might not be culture. It might be identity. And learning how to stay connected without shrinking yourself again.

.COACHING because it is so helpful to address the elephant in the room.

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I HAVE NO SPECIAL TALENT. I AM ONLY PASSIONATELY CURIOUS.

- Albert Einstein -

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* The Blind Men and the Elephant by James Baldwin